Here are the tweets that made us laugh this week. Listen weekdays with “Mac in the Morning” for the daily entries into our ‘Tweet Hall of Fame!’
I would chase my dreams but…— 🧚♂️ Girl On Tapas 💚 🧚♂️ (@girlontapas) May 13, 2019
I’m too lazy to even chase the ice cube that gets away from me and ends up as a puddle on my floor.
Why are there chicken nuggets floating in the pool?!— Scrappy Momma (@scrappy_momma) May 26, 2019
I accidentally typed tax seduction instead of tax deduction and now my refund is just a Barry White CD and some candles.— Possum Kingdom (@aissalanis) May 23, 2019
I had a lovely spinach salad for lunch. Delightfully healthy.— Sooz (@CruisinSoozan) May 26, 2019
What time we going to DQ?
Whoever named it deodorant and not— Bad, Bad BooBooKitty 👄 (@BrienneOfKitty) May 25, 2019
b-o-deterrent really missed an opportunity.
if my pee smells like bacon am i awesome or dying— Zoe Farmingdale (@TheZoeShow) May 25, 2019
Is gravy an essential oil?— Kelly (@kelly__le) May 28, 2019
My husband reminds me of a comma, I just don’t know what to do with, him.— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 25, 2019
There are 1,019,729 words in the English dictionary…. and I just used the word “Thingy”.— Joe (@DangerouslyJoe9) May 29, 2019
I like hotel rooms where I have two beds to myself because then I make one of them the eating bed.— Becca (@RebeccaRush639) October 3, 2018
Driving-wise, I like my kids’ friends who live closer better.— Mary (@AnniemuMary) May 25, 2019
Greek yogurt is just like regular yogurt…— Amish PornStar™ (@AmishPornStar1) May 30, 2019
Except it has a mustache.